WAKING UP TO A MISCONCEPTION ABOUT RAPE VICTIMS

Today there was a couple of comments on my blog concerning the issue of rape and the victim seeking professional treatment for the attack. Like many others, I had questioned why a woman would go on stage in front of hundreds of people and talk about their rape and not go to a professional to discuss the issue. I made and assumption, I stereotyped. I was wrong.

The comment below is aptly named. Her story was an eye opener. I publish it here, unedited, so that perhaps people will learn the tough lesson that I am learning. That lesson is, in spite of whatever history you may have with someone, if they claim to have been raped, always assume their story is true because it likely is the truth.

Thank you Murt. Yes the perp was indeed caught but not prosecuted. He was my grandfather. My mother’s own father. It wasn’t until she had her own children, like 30 something years later, that the memories came flooding back in a HUGE way.

My grandfather died shortly there after but he KNEW that she knew. My mother had huge intimacy issues. She married my father who was abusive. She became an alcohol ic. She had ZERO self esteem.

Because of her issues I and my four siblings have little or no coping skills. Like I had tried to post on the other blog… My mother DREADED going to her therapist to talk about her abuse. DREADED IT! She could openly talk in front of other rape victims and at rape rallies. But she dreaded her therapy appointments. Why? Because she wanted to talk about her rape and pain when SHE wanted too. Going to a therapy session forced her to talk whether she felt like it or not.

The reason I had posted that part on he other blog was because I was reading how they doubted another alleged rape victim because she/he could talk in front of large groups but yet was nervous or dreaded their therapy appointments. Here’s the thing though. I GET IT! I watched my mother go through it. So no one can second guess how a rape victim acts.

My childhood sucked because of my mother’s problems. My father negated everything she went through. So basically both my parents were so wrapped up in their own problems that they left five children to fend for themselves. Hence; no coping skills.

When my father died at age 53 he left five children and a wife with no money. Not even enough to bury him. So rape had a profound affect on me. I take it very personal when someone verbally, or otherwise, attacks a rape victim. A rape doesn’t just effect the victim. It effects generations. I’m proof of that.

It’s a long story and its not pretty.

As far as the other blog not allowing my comments, she just addressed that. So I’m fine with it.

Thanks again.

Anyone who has a story like this is always welcome to post here. I will post all comments as long as they are not abusive.

Stay tuned

MURT

2 Comments

  • Wake UP says:

    Murt, that is perfectly fine with me that you’ve blogged my comment. I appreciate your understanding and hopefully others will “get it.” Rape doesn’t just effect the rape victim. The damage to the victim effects their friends and families too. Although I, personally, wasn’t sexually abused my mother’s abuse left me “damaged.” Me being damaged has affected my children and my grandchildren.

    I’ve been in therapy for years because I “lost” my childhood. Being a child wasn’t fun for me. My siblings and I pretty much took care of my mother. She was a train wreck because of her sexual abuse therefore making us little caboose train wrecks. All of that has carried on into our adult relationships. We have the emotional IQs of those young kids that were never nurtured.

    It’s hard to nurture and show love when you didn’t even know if your messed up parents even loved you. Some parents don’t express their love verbally but they show it through their actions. Well when you have a severely damaged mother who was a rape victim. And a father who didn’t care, a child doesn’t develop their own sense of self. The child doesn’t think others even like them. It’s because the child (me) doesn’t like themself. I mean, think about it. If your parents have never told you they loved you, nor shown you through actions that they love you, why would you love yourself.

    So bottom line her, I guess, is rape is so damaging and far reaching that people don’t understand. Rape leaves many in its ugly wake.

    You blogging my comment is more than A-OK! It’s awesome. I thank you and pray it helps other children of damaged children due to rape.

    On a happier note, when my mother lay dying she thanked all five of us children and actually told us, “I love you.” She was a great lady. She did the best she could under the circumstances.

    Again, thank you. I’m going to post this under the blog post of my comment. Hate to thnk of anyone slamming you for taking advantage of me. You’re not.

  • Thanks for posting this post about therapy for rape victims. Though I have no experienced like that, I just want to extend my hands to those people and i wish that your blog will not only enlighten about the misconception about rape cases and will able to help all the victims out there to be strong. Good luck and you are well appreciated. God Bless You!

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